“POPPING THE QUESTION” SHOULD BE A PROCESS

I often hear ladies say today’s men are too proud or scared to make marriage commitments. And since the African tradition requires a man takes the bold steps to ask for his prospective wife’s hand in marriage, many women now have to wait longer or take the bull by the horn themselves.

If we must look back at marriage proposal perception in the past, women were naturally more submissive and made to undergo several premarital marriage guidance, counseling and supports before taking the lifelong decision to say I DO. The man on the other hand is rest assured that the woman is equal to the task given the level of tutelage from her family and the scrutiny from his family. In other words popping the question is a process and not a statement.

 

WAITING IN ANTICIPATION

Many women make the mistake of waiting so long for their man to pop the question because they have invested many years into the relationship and naturally believe it is a factor that determines commitment. For a lucky few, it may work in their favor but for many others, it can become a waiting game which can lead to frustration, depression and eventual break-up if not proper managed.

The key to avoiding this crisis is to understand your intentions way before you decide to go into the relationship, that is been upfront about your goals and aspirations for every steps you take in life, being honest with your partners from the beginning about your expectations and theirs too.

 

MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR ALL

You may want to agree or disagree with me, but the truth of the matter is; marriage is not for everyone. Some people are perfectly happy in a relationship which has no marital commitments while others are incomplete until they sign on the dotted line.

The fact that you have met a man or woman who swept you off your feet is no guarantee that he or she is ready to make a commitment so therefore ensure that you truly understand the individual and his/her purpose for the relationship.

 

 

READY OR NOT!

Marriage is a wonderful thing and if you have found the one you really want to spend your life with, he should also feel the same way too. . While you need to let him know that marriage is important to you, don’t make it a prevailing aspect of your relationship.

The fact that your partner has not proposed does not mean he is not thinking about marriage, priorities may be different for now and there are so many reasons why making a commitment may not be a burning desire, perhaps he has had a bad experience in his past relationships or he may be a product of divorce himself and afraid that he may end up like his parents.

Don’t assume that your man is on the same page as you just because you are ready for marriage. Talk to him about it, but remember not to try and push him into making a decision about whether he will or will not propose to you. On the other hand if he starts to give you needless reasons and excuses why he is not ready to pop the question, I will honestly suggest you re-examine your desire too.

EB